Here are the things you need to know right now to clear the emotional fog, get a reality check, and start your recovery.
Why You Always Fight
An explanation about why you two always fight based on neurobiology, the science of our brains. Knowing why you fight can help you stop.
Is This Really Abuse?
Power. Control. When your partner has more power or control over you, the relationship dynamic is abusive. The question isn't if the abuse will escalate, but when. Learn whether your relationship is abusive, here.
Know Yourself to Avoid Victimization
Right now, you're in the "man down" position and he's in the "man up" position: change the power differential! The manipulator has leverage over you because he thinks he knows you better than you know yourself. In fact, he's done his research by taking the time to figure out your weaknesses so that he can exploit them. Believe this, or risk becoming his victim. Learn how to beat him at his game.
Jerk? Psychopath? Or Something In Between...
Abusive narcicissist, manipulator, cheater, sociopath, crazy maker, addict, liar....many names for the same phenomenon: a disturbed individual whose character - distinct, inflexible, and intractable aspects of his or her personality -- impairs their ability to function in relationships and in society in general. Learn more, here.
If You Can't Beat 'em...
You may not be able to leave your abusive parent, sibling, boss, or co-worker, so find out how to use your knowledge of their game to maintain the one-up position in your relationship here.
The Foot-In-The-Door technique is an old sales ploy and a favorite tool of manipulators. Learn more about how you might fall victim to it, here.
He Is NOT Who You Love
It is crucial to realize that narcissists create a "false self" to lure you in, hiding behind a mask of charm. The problem is, the victim keeps referring back to this false self, believing optimistically that the abuser can and will return to this better person. He can't; that person doesn't exist, and never did. Find out more about the False Self.
He Only NEEDS You...
...and he doesn't love you. Keep in mind that he is incapable of love because he is only capable of a staggering lack of conscience employed in his quest for self-gratification at your expense. You are his supplier, not his partner. Of what, you might ask. Find out here how you are his Supplier.
Your Biggest Fears
Believe me, ending this relationship will be tough. Make no mistake about it. But short term pain is worth long term happiness. Read more here.
Your Gut Has Been Gaslighted
You feel like you're going crazy, right? Your gut has been telling you there might be a problem with your situation, but you've ignored it. Your instinct isn't broken. In fact, you were aboslutely correct in your perceptions. The problem is that you were probably a victim of gaslighting. Find out how your Gut Was Gaslighted here.
You're perfect, you're disgusting, you're alone
There is a known process for what you're experiencing: Idealize, devalue, discard. Where are you in this cycle? Read more here.
He Has A Double, Triple, Life
You are not alone. In fact, your abuser is likely to have at least one more -- if not several more - lovers, victims, or lives right now, at this moment. These jokers usually get away with living multiple existences simulateously. Find out about Double Lives, here.
He Lies. All. The. Time.
Lies, lies, and more lies. You may not even realize how many times he's lied to you. The abuser uses lies to build the foundation of your relationship, sprinkling in just enough truth to cause his victims to believe him. Find out how the narcissist gets delight and power, here.
13 Signs He's a Manipulator
You have that sick feeling in your gut but you chose to believe him anyway.You feel guilty for accusing him of doing something wrong. Still, you just can't shake the feeling you're being lied to. You are if he's doing these 13 things!
You Must Go Cold Turkey
If you are in a relationship with an abusive narcissist, the only chance you have for happiness is to terminate the relationship. Cold turkey. It is as simple as that. Find out more about going Cold Turkey.
Books and Articles
Here are some books and articles that I've found particularly helpful.