Lies are meant to manipulate. It is never okay to lie. Never.
Lying or deceiving someone is a form of manipulation and it violates the most basic of human rights. It prevents free will and choice, and decides for the victim their reality, perceptions, and experience. For this reason, lies are never acceptable.
It is exactly for these reasons that the abusive sociopath lies. He is intent on manipulation. He cares nothing for human rights. Since he desires control, lies diminish free will. He alters his victim's reality, controls their perceptions, and manages their experience. Thus is the purpose of his lies.
Lies can concern infidelity, money, crime, gambling, jobs, and addiction.
Watch out for these red flags that lies may be afoot:
- He changes the subject. Pay attention to quickly changing the topic of discussion or not wanting to discuss certain topics.
- She becomes defensive. What is your partner's emotional reaction and tone to a simple question? Anger, blame, or implying you are a jerk for asking the question may indicate deception.
- Insists on handling things himself. Warning bells should go off if you are not allowed to see credit card statements, bills, phone records, and finances. Suddenly locking his cellphone is another sign.
- She lies to others. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. Willingness to lie to others means she'll have no qualms about lying to you. Notice if she becomes excited if she deceives someone else.
- His parents lie. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. He learned from the best, and will carry on the family tradition.
- Incongruity. This means that deception may be happening right before your eyes because he is using credit cards beyond his means, lives a lifestyle that doesn't make sense, is a bachelor yet drives a minivan.
- It feels like a lie. Trust your instincts. Always. "My cellphone was dead" is a good one.
- A sudden change in behavior. A common instance I've heard is the new office mate who is "just a friend," yet they are texting back and forth all night. Lots of overtime but no additional pay. Coming home and heading straight to the shower. Working out when she is usually a couch potato.
- He keeps secrets. Deleting phone numbers from recent calls. Does he quickly shut down the computer when you come into the room? Leave the room to talk on the phone? Gets mad when you ask him why your car seat position has changed.
Next: Your strategies for standing your ground.
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