Diagnoses and labels are merely words that can only describe a scintilla of the behavior you have witnessed. We have called them an abusive narcissist, mainpulator, sociopath, liar, cheater, "bad boy," "crazy bitch," crazy maker, nutcase, jerk....whatever words we use, they describe a certain category of behavior (see below): We can also call them:

  • the personality disordered
  • a manipulator
  • a disordered individual
  • the subnormal self
  • a defective personality
  • an abuser

Don't get caught up in labels. Cut through the terminology and look hard at the behavior, how they view the world, and how they interact with people (and animals!). They share these features:

  • Attitudes that impair healthy interpersonal relations
  • Erroneous and dysfunctional beliefs about how the world and relationships work
  • Unyielding disregard or contempt for the truth
  • Entitlement
  • Overestimated and dysfunctional sense of their own worth; this is NOT self-esteem! It is hubris and arrogance.
  • Disdain and disregard for others' value or dignity
  • Shallow, superficial, abusive, exploitive
  • Lies, manipulates, deceives to gain advantage over others
  • Manages others' impression of him/her to keep an inflated self-image
  • Creates a "false self" so you don't know exactly with whom you are dealing
  • Keeps you at an emotional distance so he can manipulate or exploit you 
  • Regrets getting caught, not his or her behavior
  • Inabilitiy to feel genuinely bad or "guilty" about their behavior
  • Words and behavior don't match or are "incongruous;" actions speak louder than words!
  • Temperment is problematic; moody, angry, tantrums, low frustration tolerance, reactive, "walking time bomb."
  • Impulsively do things to hurt others, all without thinking or remorse
  • Inability to learn from their mistakes or experiences
  • They are the center of the universe; we should be grateful to exist in their world! No one else matters.
  • Oblivious to emotional injury he inflictes on others
  • Contempt for authority and following the rules
  • Validates and pursues his own goals without seeking consensual validation or consent from his partner
  • Insatiable appetite for admiration, often manifesting in multiple simultaneous sexual relationships
  • Views others as objects to meet his needs or bring him pleasure

Next: How to detox and recover from the manipulator

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